Welcome back to Racing Bizarre, the series where we dive into the strangest, most ridiculous races on the planet. We’ve covered ultramarathons that break your spirit, races where you lose to horses, and now, we’re taking on a stair climb so brutal it makes your morning commute feel like a walk in the park. Cue the Bisbee 1000, the only race where the finish line is just a polite way of saying, “Your legs are now useless". Yes, you heard correctly, this race is all about stairs. Specifically, 1,034 of them, spread across nine crumbling staircases, winding through the historic mining town of Bisbee, Arizona.
While most people visit charming small towns to sip coffee and browse antique shops, the lunatics at the Bisbee 1000 prefer to sprint up uneven staircases originally built for mules. It’s a race that combines the best of scenic old-town charm with the worst of Oh God, why are my legs on fire?
The Birth of the Bisbee 1000: From Mining to Climbing
Bisbee was once a booming copper mining town, and like any good mining town, it was built in the worst possible location for urban planning, up and down steep hills. The staircases of Bisbee were originally mule paths, because back in the day, people looked at a nearly vertical incline and thought, Let’s make the donkeys do it.
In the 1930s, the Work Projects Administration (WPA) turned these mule tracks into proper staircases, presumably because someone in government thought, We’ve put men in mines, we’ve put men in factories… let’s see if they can survive running up 1,000 stairs. Fast forward to 1990, and some local sadist decided to turn it into a race. The result? The Bisbee 1000, part fitness challenge, part historical tour, part test to see if your knees still function.
The Course: A 4.5-Mile Leg Day From Hell
The Bisbee 1000 isn’t your typical road race. It’s more like an obstacle course designed by someone who really hates calves. The route twists through the town’s backstreets, forcing runners to climb stairs, descend winding roads, and question all their life choices. At 5,500 feet above sea level, the altitude alone is enough to make your lungs burn.
It’s the only race in the world where your biggest competitors aren’t other runners but gravity, uneven steps, and your own rapidly declining willpower. And just when you think you’ve reached the top, there’s another staircase. Then another. Then another. It’s like an M.C. Escher painting, except instead of being a cool optical illusion, it’s just cruel reality.
The Competitors: From Elite Athletes to Firefighters in Full Gear
Unlike your usual marathon crowd, Bisbee attracts a mix of hardcore endurance runners, casual walkers, and people in completely unhinged costumes. Some are out for a personal best. Some just want to survive. And then there are the firefighters who decide to run the race in full turnout gear, because apparently, climbing a thousand steps in the Arizona heat wasn’t challenging enough.
The race also has a reputation for attracting the hilariously unprepared. Every year, at least one poor soul underestimates the difficulty, sets off like a hero, and by the third staircase, is questioning whether this was a terrible mistake. Spoiler: It was.
The Town’s Involvement: A Whole Community Watching You Suffer
If you’re worried about suffering alone, don’t be. The entire town of Bisbee comes out to watch, cheer, and, in some cases, laugh at your pain. Police officers, city workers, and local musicians line the route to provide support or at least to provide some background music while you regret your choices.
Adding to the surreal nature of the event, spectators often dress in wild outfits, and many runners do the same. So if you’ve ever wanted to be overtaken by someone dressed as a giant chicken while struggling up a historic mining staircase, this is the race for you.
Why Do People Keep Doing This?
Despite the sheer agony, the Bisbee 1000 sells out every year. People keep coming back, either for the challenge, the atmosphere, or simply because they have very short memories when it comes to pain.
It’s a race that proves one undeniable truth: humans will do anything for a medal, even if it means wheezing their way up 1,000 stairs built for donkeys.
So, if you’re looking for a race that’s equal parts brutal, beautiful, and completely bizarre, the Bisbee 1000 is waiting. Just don’t say we didn’t warn you.
