Having a running buddy is great, until they start behaving like a low level cult leader with a Garmin and too much energy. You agreed to some gentle accountability, maybe a bit of shared misery and the occasional race day pint. What you got instead was a full blown fitness tyrant with opinions on cadence.
Here are five classic runner friend behaviours that will have you seriously reconsidering your social circle or at least blocking their Strava for a week.
1. Pretends They’re “Taking It Easy” While Actively Killing You
They say it at the start: “Easy pace today.” Lovely. Relaxing. Social.
Fifteen minutes in, you’re winded, bleeding from the eyes, and watching them float up a hill like it’s the travelator on 1990s Gladiators.
You look at your watch and realise you’re running your 5K PB pace, while they’re chatting about compost bins or cryptocurrency like this is a pleasant Sunday stroll.
“This is me jogging,” they add, just to crush your spirit further.
2. Talks About Their Mileage Like It’s a Personality
It starts innocently: “Just a little 10K this morning.” Then suddenly they’re on about weekly totals, VO2 max, and how they’re “only on 74km this week because they’re tapering.”
You start wondering if they’ve joined a religious sect. One that believes recovery days are for the weak and anything under 8 miles isn’t real running.
Next time you meet them for a coffee, they’ll bring a spreadsheet.
3. Wants to Turn Every Run Into a Race
They can’t help themselves. You say “let’s take it handy” and they nod, smile… then surge ahead the second there’s a slight downhill like they’re being chased by Olympic scouts.
You try to keep up. You briefly question if your heart is meant to feel this loud. They say nothing, but the smugness radiates off them like heat from freshly laid tarmac.
Worst of all? They’ll say “Great session, nice and chill” at the end, while you’re lying on the kerb blinking into the void.
4. Insists You Sign Up for a Race You’ve No Business Entering
You mention you’ve been “getting back into it.” Next thing, they’ve sent you a link to a half marathon in six weeks and said “you’ll be grand.”
You haven’t run more than 5K in a year. Your idea of training is occasionally walking briskly to the shop. But they believe in you, blindly, irresponsibly, and with the unshakable optimism of someone who’s never had a stress fracture.
Now you’re €42 poorer and googling how to fake a hamstring injury.
5. Posts Every Run on Strava With a Caption Like “Nice and Easy” or “Legs Felt Rubbish” and It’s Still Faster Than Your Lifetime Best
They say they’re not competitive. They say it’s just for tracking. Then they post a “recovery jog” at 4:15/km pace with a route that looks like it was planned by a cartographer on performance enhancing drugs.
You scroll, seethe, and wonder if they ever actually feel tired. Probably not. They probably also meal prep. And floss. And fold their running socks.
You, meanwhile, are still trying to find your left shoe.
Final Word
We love our runner friends. We really do. But if yours does any of the above, and they absolutely do, you have two options:
- Learn to live with it.
- Vow revenge via a surprise hill sprint mid run and never explain why.
Either way, it’s good to keep them around. If only to remind yourself that running is meant to be fun… even when they’re quietly ruining it.
