Runners get it. Walkers mostly get it. Cyclists sometimes get it. But non runners? They live in a different world, one where running is either a punishment, a mystery, or something you do only if you’re being chased by a dog.
And because they don’t get it, they say things. Things that stay with you. Things that burrow into your brain and echo mid tempo like intrusive thoughts.
Here’s a lovingly curated list of the worst offenders, the statements that have emotionally scarred runners everywhere.
1. “I can’t run, I’ve got knees.”
This one stings because it’s not even an opinion. It’s a statement. Said with such confidence, like you’re out here smashing half marathons on borrowed cartilage and black magic.
They look at you, baffled.
“Isn’t running bad for your joints?”
You try to explain it’s not quite that simple, it depends on form, mileage, training load, footwear, but they’re already texting their physio mate to confirm their completely made up theory.
You run. They smugly don’t. And both of you feel oddly superior.
2. “Why don’t you just cycle? It’s the same thing.”
Yes. Absolutely. Cycling is just like running, if you ignore the shoes, the muscles, the technique, the kit, the traffic, the faff, and the fact that your arse goes numb after 20 minutes.
Same thing. Perfect substitute. Thank you, Dr. Sport.
3. “Just run faster.”
Said usually by someone who hasn’t run since PE class in 2009, but has very strong opinions about pacing.
You mention you didn’t hit a PB, and they go, “Why didn’t you just run faster?”
You consider responding with something sharp. Instead, you stare at them blankly, wondering what it must be like to move through the world with the confidence of a man who once played Junior B hurling and now thinks he’s Eliud Kipchoge.
4. “How far is that in normal kilometres?”
You say “I ran a half marathon.”
They say “How far’s that in normal kilometres?”
You explain. Again.
They nod. They forget immediately.
They later tell someone you did “a quick 10K or something.”
Your soul leaves your body.
5. “You must be so fit. I’d never guess!”
This one’s layered.
You want to say thank you.
You also want to throw your Garmin at them.
Is it a compliment? Is it a dig? Is it just a clumsy attempt at being supportive that landed like a brick in a bog?
You’ll never know. But you’ll think about it. A lot.
6. “Running's just a fad though, isn’t it?”
Yes. A fad. Like fidget spinners. Or quinoa. Been around for 40,000 years. But sure, give it a few more months and we’ll all move on to hula hooping in car parks.
7. “Why would you pay to run?”
This one’s especially popular with uncles, dads, and pub philosophers.
You explain the joy of racing, the community, the buzz, the closed roads, the medal, the t shirt. They blink and say, “You paid €50 to do what you could’ve done for free?”
You smile politely while thinking about the €250 golf weekend they did last month where they wore ugly shoes and lost every single ball.
8. “Have you ever tried swimming instead?”
Oh yes. Here we go.
Running is hard. Swimming is hard. But they are not the same.
You say running helps with stress. They say “You should try swimming, it’s easier on the body.” You say “I hate swimming.” They say “That’s just because you haven’t given it a proper go.”
You say “Please stop talking to me.”
Final Word
Non runners mean well. They really do. But sometimes their questions and comments hit harder than any hill sprint.
So next time someone says “running must be easy for you” or “I’d run too if I had the time,” just nod. Smile. Go for a run. And shout your feelings into the wind at kilometre six.
It’s cheaper than therapy. And less likely to get you arrested.