You’ve done the long runs, eaten your bodyweight in pasta, and bored your friends senseless talking about tapering. Now it’s finally here, the week of your marathon. A glorious cocktail of nerves, overthinking, and phantom injuries. Here’s what really happens in those final seven days when you slowly lose your mind, one weather check at a time.
1. You Start Carb-Loading Like it’s an Olympic event
Bread, pasta, potatoes, repeat until emotional stability returns. By Thursday, you’ve had so much white rice you’re starting to identify as sushi. You justify everything with “I’m running a marathon,” even though you’ve now eaten enough to fuel one.
2. You Try on the Race Outfit Seventeen times
You know exactly what you’re wearing, but that doesn’t stop you from doing another full-dress rehearsal in the mirror. You test the chafing risk of every seam like a scientist, then panic-buy another top just in case your original one “feels unlucky”.
3. You Become a Part-Time Meteorologist
You’re checking five different weather apps like you’re trying to land a plane. The forecast says “light showers”, but you’re convinced that means either a tsunami or heatstroke. You’ve memorised the wind direction, humidity, and the sunrise time, yet still can’t find your race number.
4. You Start Taper-Fighting
With less running comes more rage. You’re irritable, restless, and slightly feral. You glare at joggers like they’re mocking you. You threaten to bin your gels because “this is stupid anyway”. Your family quietly plans an intervention.
5. You Turn into a Motivational Quote Machine
Suddenly, your social media looks like the wall of a spin studio. “Pain is temporary, pride is forever.” “The body achieves what the mind believes.” Your mates are wondering if you’ve joined a cult. You haven’t, but it’s close.
6. You Pack Like you’re Fleeing the Country
You lay everything out neatly, then panic and add duplicates. Two pairs of shoes, three gels per hour, four socks (just in case), and a backup race-day playlist in case your phone dies at Mile 14. You’ve packed like you’re doing a marathon through the Amazon rather than around a city with shops.
7. Every Ache is Now a Career-Ending Injury
That tiny twinge in your calf is obviously a tear. That stiff ankle? Gone forever. By Wednesday, you’re diagnosing yourself with rare diseases based on how your hamstring feels getting out of bed. Deep down, you know you’re fine, but you’ll still be googling “can a blister lead to amputation” just to be sure.
8. You Can’t Sleep Because Your Brain is Doing laps
You lie there at 2am replaying every possible disaster. You forget your bib. You miss the start. You trip over a child at Mile 3 and get disqualified. You’ll finally fall asleep three minutes before your alarm goes off.
9. You Develop Irrational Hatred towards Non-Runners
Someone at work says, “It’s only a run,” and you see red. Another says, “Couldn’t you just do a half?” and you momentarily black out. Meanwhile, your partner tries to be supportive, but you snap at them for breathing too loudly during your foam rolling.
10. You Swear You’ll Never Do this Again
By Saturday, you’re promising yourself this is the last one. Never again. Not a chance. Then you cross the finish line, cry into a banana, and immediately look up “best marathons in Europe.” The cycle begins anew.
And there you have it, one week of emotional chaos, carbohydrate abuse, and existential dread, all building to the moment you realise running 26 miles for fun is a questionable life choice. But sure, it wouldn’t be a marathon if you didn’t lose your mind first.